Original publication date : Published: Mar 14, 2019 (Jane arrived Feb 23), post recovered 20260907
Jane arrived on 2/23 at 1:51 in the afternoon. She came 3 weeks early and is doing great.
Friday I came home from work around 6:30. It was pizza night and we ate homemade pizza and watched a movie before Megan started getting ready for bed around 9:00. She took a shower and then came to sit in the living room for a few minutes. She got up and was pacing around a bit before stopping by the bedroom door where I noticed her looking unsure. Then it became obvious, her water had just broken.
At first I was a bit frantic, my heart was racing knowing that the baby was coming. Megan kept thinking it was something other than her water. I knew it wasn’t though, and told her as much. After 2-3 minutes, we accepted that the baby was coming now. We called the doctors and were told to make our way to the hospital in the next few hours.
We had no expectation that this would happen so soon, and we hadn’t learned about water breaking before labor contractions in any of our classes or appoinments. I was in shock, in some denial, and having worked all week I was also tired. Megan seemed a bit scared, and I know she was tired as well, but the baby was coming!
I started running around like a crazy person. I filled the laundry basket with a bunch of clothes for myself, and a few things for Megan. I got the car seat, and a few snacks and we were off.
The hospital is only 3.5 miles from our house, but the trip took longer than usual since I missed a turn and wound up on a road with no easy turn around. Eventually, when we pulled up to the women’s clinic we then had nowhere to park. The whole hospital seems to be under construction and the garage we had parked in earlier that same morning was now closed off! We managed to find a spot on the street and hurried inside.
El Camino Hospital recommends everyone attend a hospital tour in order to learn where to check in, what to bring, and where you’ll be staying. Unfortunatly our tour wasn’t schedule for another week and a half. Thankfully, the nurses at the front desk were helpful and confirmed for me that we were in the right place.
Since her water had broken, Megan was admitted without regard to other progression, meaning we were there for the duration. We had gotten to the hospital around 10:15 and by 11:00 Megan had completed vitals we moved to the room for labor and delivery. I got a small bed setup for myself and the nurses walked Megan through what to do, then we were in it! Her contractions got more intense around midnight and by 2:00 am I was confident Megan was far along. I couldn’t imagine how she couldn’t be! We didn’t know this for sure though; the nurses minimize checking the cervix when a woman’s water has broken in order to reduce infection risk to the baby.
By early morning, the shower and my massage didn’t seem to be giving Megan much comfort any longer. Around 4:30 am, in the midst of a strong contraction she asked the nurse for an epidural. She had planned on the epidural ahead of time, and based on some comments from the nurse we were expecting Megan to be about 6cm dialted (6 out of 10) which would have been a good stage to get it. Unfortunately the nurses checked once it was in place and she was only at 2cm.
At this point, I was really disappointed. I was worried this meant she was headed for a c-section. The labor class we took indicated once an epidural is in place, you’re basically on the clock and have about 6 hours to deliver before risk of fever gets too high. I think Megan’s sprits took a big hit at this point too. She had gone through so much and now learned her progress wasn’t as much as she thought. But now with some pain relief, Megan was able to rest, and I got an hour or so of sleep and a shower. Somewhat recovered we had another check of dialation at 10:30 am and this time we got some good news. Megan was 6cm and the baby was coming!
Only an hour and a half later, Megan suddenly felt an urgent need to push. The nurses checked again and this time Megan was 11 cm dialated. The baby was coming fast! By this time the nurses had changed shifts and our nurse was somewhat of a Voodoo Witch. She had all these strange suggestions and theories which the doctors (and me!) were rolling their eyes at. But she seemed genuinely suprised at the quick labor progression over the last hour or so, and she was giving everyone the impression of urgency and that the baby’s arrival was imminent. In my mind this meant a few minutes, so I went out to the nurses station to get everyone rallied.
After some uncertainty about staffing schedules, the required staff was scrambled, a nures for Megan, the O.B. doctor (Dr. Tan.), and baby nurse, and then Megan started to push.
It turned out that Voodoo nurse was a bit premature in her urgency. Once Dr. Tan had a look it was clear by her reaction that we had a way to go. Megan also had to get some practice in order to effectively push out the baby, as opposed to straining herself. And so it went, Megan pushing when contractions came, me counting 3×10 for her, and the nurses repeatedly telling Megan she’s almost here, just one more push. It turns out this was not great for Megan’s morale, especially after hearing the doctor’s later estimate of another 45 minutes.
By 1:00 pm or so things were moving along. Dr. Tan was back in the room full time managing the delivery. Megan was sweating a lot, and I was still helping with the counting. Megan had issues with her epidural not numbing effectivly so I was stressed as well, constantly seeing Megan in all that pain, but she kept on pushing.
I think around 1:15 or 1:30 the nurses guided Megan’s hand to touch the top of the baby’s head. At this, I saw Megan get a rare wave of motivation, knowing now that she really was getting close.
The last 10 minutes or so were intense. I could never have imagined what it was like to hear Megan screaming like she was, or see the look in her eyes at the peak of the pain. I was having a hard time keeping up with the counting, but Megan kept pushing. Then the baby’s head was free. I remember a small flurry of activity by Dr. Tan and the nurses around this time. One or two more pushes and Megan relaxed and the baby was free. The baby’s nurse was holding her above Megan and we waited for a few minutes to delay clamping the umbilical cord. Then a short drama occured when the doctor realized the nurse hadn’t provided any clamps in the room. After a short period of searching, Dr. Tan improvised with a pair of forceps and I cut the baby free.
Going in I hadn’t wanted to cut the cord. I thought it would be gross and I prefer to keep a clean image of Megan in my mind. During the admission process though, and even during labor, various nurses kept pushing the idea, saying it was such a magical moment for the dad to get to have. The nurses also mentioned it was similar to cutting radiator hose, which it was, so when the time came I said okay. I’m not sure I had much of a moment during the cutting. It seemed to me to just be a barrier keeping the baby from immediate skin to skin contact with Megan, but I suppose I’m glad I did it.
After things settled in the room, we had our ‘Golden Hour’. The baby nursed for the first time, and was awake and alert. Megan was happy and I remember thinking how much she was glowing. Seeing her transition from being completely overtaken by pain to overcome with joy is indescribable. One moment I could hardly bear to see her face for all the pain she had, and the next she was smiling and looked energetic and happy.
The baby looked a bit gross, kind of purplish and wrinkly, and covered in whitish paste. I’m not sure why people say they look beautiful at that stage.
After the first hour the nurses cleaned the baby up and she was looking more normal. Then it was my turn to hold her for the first time and it didn’t go well. I was really nervous and wound up giving her back to Megan after a minute or so. I think it was just to early for me. She was so floppy and small, and I didn’t have a good seat to use in the labor room so I felt uncomftable.
After two hours, we moved to the recovery room where we would stay for the next two days. The baby rode along with Megan on a gurney for the short ride down the hall to the Mother Baby unit. Our room was nice, a single converted from a double occupancy, so we had a lot of space and privacy.
I put the baby to sleep in the bassinet (with help from the nurses) and we all got some sleep. Everyone was exhausted.
Here the hospital’s clear bassinets proved their usefullness. Megan and I could both see the baby from anywhere in the room. I think this allowed me to stay in bed much more than I may otherwise have done, since I could easily see that she was doing fine.
The two days in the recovery room were filled with nurses and other hospital staff coming in at all hours of the day and night. The baby slept most of the time and hardly made a sound. At one point I remember asking the nurse how we could get her to make some noise, but she reassured me it was just her personality. Things went well though, with all the tests and checks coming out as expected. On Sunday around lunch I left the hospital for the first time since Friday evening. The fresh air felt incredible. I remember being somewhat emotial though, which I felt was unexpected. I remember thinking back to when Megan was so tired and when she didn’t think she could continue. I didn’t like seeing her like that at all and I suppose it was still fresh in my mind.
By Sunday evening we had decided on Jane for the baby’s first name, and Jane got her first bath at the bathroom sink. The nurses helped me by holding Jane in towels while Megan looked on and I washed her hair. She liked it a lot, and it was a great experiance for us.
Monday morning came and we started to prepare for checkout. Megan met with a lactation consultant and squeezed in a last minute massage with the staff masseuse. We decided on a middle name, Marie, in order to finalize all the forms, and then we loaded up Jane in the car seat dressed up in her strawberry jumpsuit. Megan and Jane rode together in a wheelchair down to the lobby and then I ran ahead to bring the car around. We loaded up and made the short drive home to the beginning of our lives with Jane.
There is a place where time stands still. Raindrops hang motionless in air. Pendulums of clocks float mid-swing. Dogs raise their muzzles in silent howls. Pedestrians are frozen on the dusty streets, their legs cocked as if held by strings. The aromas of dates, mangoes, coriander, cumin are suspended in space.
As a traveler approaches this place from any direction, he moves more and more slowly. His heartbeats grow farther apart, his breathing slackens, his temperature drops, his thoughts diminish, until he reaches dead center and stops. For this is the center of time. From this place, time travels outward in concentric circles—at rest at the center, slowly picking up speed at greater diameters.
Who would make pilgrimage to the center of time? Parents with children, and lovers.
And so, at the place where time stands still, one sees parents clutching their children, in a frozen embrace that will never let go. The beautiful young daughter with blue eyes and blond hair will never stop smiling the smile she smiles now, will never lose this soft pink glow on her cheeks, will never grow wrinkled or tired, will never get injured, will never unlearn what her parents have taught her, will never think thoughts that her parents don’t know, will never know evil, will never tell her parents that she does not love them, will never leave her room with the view of the ocean, will never stop touching her parents as she does now.
And at the place where time stands still, one sees lovers kissing in the shadows of buildings, in a frozen embrace that will never let go. The loved one will never take his arms from where they are now, will never give back the bracelet of memories, will never journey far from his lover, will never place himself in danger in self-sacrifice, will never fail to show his love, will never become jealous, will never fall in love with someone else, will never lose the passion of this instant in time.
One must consider that these statues are illuminated by only the most feeble red light, for light is diminished almost to nothing at the center of time, its vibrations slowed to echoes in vast canyons, its intensity reduced to the faint glow of fireflies.
Those not quite at dead center do indeed move, but at the pace of glaciers. A brush of the hair might take a year, a kiss might take a thousand. While a smile is returned, seasons pass in the outer world. While a child is hugged, bridges rise. While a goodbye is said, cities crumble and are forgotten.
And those who return to the outer world… Children grow rapidly, forget the centuries-long embrace from their parents, which to them lasted but seconds. Children become adults, live far from their parents, live in their own houses, learn ways of their own, suffer pain, grow old. Children curse their parents for trying to hold them forever, curse time for their own wrinkled skin and hoarse voices. These now old children also want to stop time, but at another time. They want to freeze their own children at the center of time.
Lovers who return find their friends are long gone. After all, lifetimes have passed. They move in a world they do not recognize. Lovers who return still embrace in the shadows of buildings, but now their embraces seem empty and alone. Soon they forget the centuries-long promises, which to them lasted only seconds. They become jealous even among strangers, say hateful things to each other, lose passion, drift apart, grow old and alone in a world they do not know.
Some say it is best not to go near the center of time. Life is a vessel of sadness, but it is noble to live life, and without time there is no life. Others disagree. They would rather have an eternity of contentment, even if that eternity were fixed and frozen, like a butterfly mounted in a case.
Alan Lightman – Einstein’s Dreams
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Update 20260907
Originally vanished… more so than others. This post wasn’t even in my original category of ‘Vanished without a trace’ I of course remember writing it as it is one of 2 of the most pivotal posts on here, but I had no record of it and it was the saddest of all to lose. I’m very happy to have this back.